hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
