I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
