Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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