I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
