u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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