How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
