I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
