I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
