just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
