But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
