Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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