I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
