Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
