are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm passing your future prison.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
