i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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