Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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