I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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