Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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