your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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