i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
