this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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