so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Randomize
