Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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