Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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