Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize