Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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