I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
