next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
