She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize