and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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