She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
vagina is talking i cant
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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