i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
