Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
