Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
