I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
