I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
