i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
