I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
