so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
