After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
