Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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