She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
