My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
