Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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