WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
