I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
