I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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