..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
