She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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