is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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