they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
