ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
