I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
