I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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