he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
