Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
