I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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