haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
