"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
And then he peed in my hair
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