I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
