Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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