So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
