I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think i peed on brittanys purse
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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