Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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