I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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