Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
