Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
