I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
