He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
