my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
