i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
