so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
