Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
