Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize